My Top Five: Self-Care

This quote landed in my inbox recently and got me thinking…

“Self-care is not self-indulgence. Self-care is self-respect.” – Trish Allen

For almost two years now, I have volunteered for Postpartum Support Virginia (PSVa), helping struggling new mothers in the throes of postpartum depression and anxiety (PPD/PPA). In our meetings and literature, we call the PPD/PPA recovery process “the path to wellness.” I just love this term and its imagery. It reminds us that there is no quick fix to achieve instant wellness or perfect mental health. Achieving good health (physical and mental) and wellness is indeed a journey, rather than an end result.

A key component of this path to wellness is “self-care,” which, for new moms, includes enough sleep (five uninterrupted hours being key), time alone, exercise, journaling, etc.

I recently posted about “what fills your cup?” – doing more of the things that bring joy to our lives. “Cup-filling” activities are, in my mind, the icing on the cake. Self-care is the basic cake recipe – the flour, sugar, eggs, butter, etc. It is the day-to-day routine that keeps us happy, healthy and (mostly) sane.

Working with these women prompted me to think about my own self-care. I am so glad I did. It is a lovely exercise to undertake, one that has helped me tremendously through some stressful times. So without further ado, here are my top five self-care essentials:

·    Exercise. Daily movement is an absolute must to clear my head, relieve stress, and also do some serious thinking. For me, I find yoga and running to be the best combination.

·    Sleep. I sleep about seven hours at night and grab any nap opportunity I can. I can get by on less evening sleep but it is not always pretty. I am not someone that can sleep in (I am well-known for my 5:30am emails!) but I am a champion napper. If my schedule allows, I rest after lunch. Even a ten-minute catnap helps me tremendously.

·    Alone Time. While I am a very social person, I also require a lot of alone time – especially first thing in the morning. I require (1) coffee and (2) time to check email and get my head on straight before I can communicate with my husband or kids.

·    Feeling and Looking My Best. It may sound vain, but I feel so much better if I keep up my appearance – toenails painted (being a yoga instructor, lots of people see my bare feet!), eyebrows tamed, and no visible grays. I also am very diligent about seeing my chiropractor and/or favorite masseuse if my body is not keeping up with my active lifestyle.

·    Delicious and (mostly) Healthful Food. I tend to eat very healthfully. I don’t like big, heavy meals that make me overly full and sleepy. I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, lean protein, whole grains, and low-fat dairy. That said, I also really enjoy cooking, trying new recipes (especially desserts), entertaining, and having my Friday night “wine time.” So I strive to eat as well as possible when I can, and enjoy some of my favorite indulgences along the way.

So there you have it – my wellness formula. Do I always get enough sleep and have perfect toes? Definitely not. Do I use this list as an outline for staying happy, healthy, and sane? Absolutely.

I often say in my yoga classes, “We MUST be taking care of ourselves so that we can take care of others and do all the things we want (and need) to do in our lives.” It is never self-indulgent to properly care for yourself. If we do not care for ourselves, we are more likely to get sick, become fatigued, etc. What good are we to our families, friends, and coworkers if we are sick in bed or cranky with exhaustion? So please try to shed any guilt you may have about your self-care. Think of it as investment in your overall wellness.

Consider taking ten minutes to make your self-care top five list. I promise you will be glad you did.

Be well.

‘Tis the Season

Mid-January. The Christmas tree is down and the decorations are in the attic (right?). That means ‘tis the season for New Year’s Resolutions. While I do tend to find myself in a little post-holiday funk every January, I do appreciate this time of year for the “blank slate” it presents. It is the perfect time for some self-reflection and goal-setting for the year ahead.

For many of us, we have resolved to eat better, exercise more, or perhaps kick that unhealthy habit once and for all. Sound familiar? As a yoga instructor, I see resolutions in action every January – classes are packed and students are buying passes so they feel committed to coming regularly.

However, come February, the yoga business settles back into its more regular flow. Have you also found that your previous resolutions have fallen away by February? Have you wondered how this year can be different?

It’s a simple saying but very true – old ways won’t open new doors.

Let’s look at an example. Maybe in the past you have resolved to hit the gym every day before work at 6 am. Did this resolution ever last more than a week or two? Perhaps this year, take a moment to think why it did not. Is the gym the last place you want to be on a cold, dark winter morning? Then it is time to tell yourself a new story about exercising.

What would get you moving this year? Perhaps you’d be more motivated if you knew a friend was meeting you at the gym. Maybe you’d rather go for a walk rather than be indoors. Or is a yoga class more likely to draw you out of bed vs. an hour on the elliptical?

So how can you make this year’s resolutions happen? Start today by writing that new story. The first and best thing you can do is to set SMART goals around your fitness (and other) resolutions. SMART goals are Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. So rather than resolve “to exercise more this year,” try on one of these SMART-er resolutions:

·      I will walk three days a week during the month of January.

·      I will sign up for that Pilates session by the end of this week.

·      Today, I will ask Anne if she can meet me at the gym on Fridays.

These resolutions sound very doable, yes? And far less daunting than feeling compelled to visit the gym every day when you really don’t want to. Remember, a brief, brisk walk is far better than skipping a workout all together. Just get moving! Find something you like to do (belly dancing? rock climbing?) and you will be far more likely to keep doing it.

And while you are at it, add a fun resolution to your list, such as seeing friends more often or treating yourself to a massage when you reach a goal.

Be well.

What Fills Your Cup?

My coaching instructor posed that question in a recent class. It seems like a pretty simple exercise – to just think about things that make me happy and what activities energize and recharge me. It was an easy list to compile, that’s for sure. It was lovely to think about being curled up on the couch by a fire absorbed in a great book, going for long walks on the beach, or having a glass of wine at sunset surrounded by friends and family. 

When I started to think about how often these things actually happen, I came crashing back to reality. While my husband and I are successfully made it through the “weeds” of parenting (how I lovingly refer to the baby and toddler years), we find ourselves in a wonderfully challenging new spot – having a tween and an almost-tween who are fully consumed with challenging schoolwork, multiple sports, Scouts, friends, and more. We find ourselves often “dividing and conquering” the carpooling, homework helping, and volunteering while trying to maintain our jobs, health, and household. And I find myself holding my Iphone far more than any book these days.

So needless to say, there is not a lot of “cup filling” going on at the moment. I feel like I spend my days racing between jobs and various kid commitments. And while I truly love all the different aspects of my life, my time to recharge has gotten squeezed to almost nothing.

As with any goal, it can be daunting to think about starting, as the end result can seem so far away (likely, my toes will not hit the sand until next summer). However, perhaps there are some things I can do now to work towards this goal in a different way. For example, I can take more walks along our beautiful Potomac, email that group of friends I have been missing to meet up for a glass of wine, or get on Goodreads to find my next great book.

So, set three small achievable goals you can work on in the next week to fill your cup. Write them down (with a deadline) and makes notes on your progress. Maybe it is just blocking the time on your calendar for yourself (and saying “no” when you are asked to do something in that time). Or maybe schedule a sitter for a lunch date with your husband. Start with baby steps, as small changes are what eventually lead to great ones.

Be well.